i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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