She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
