I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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