Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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