so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
