Jerry, you need to find god
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
