Can Purell be used as lube?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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