I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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