no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
false alarm, still single
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
