So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
