I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
