I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She bit a glass in half.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
