dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
