If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
