U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
