I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize