so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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