What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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