i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
