i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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