i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
