sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
