if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize