Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
