she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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