Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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