I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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