how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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