I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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