ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize