Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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