Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
