soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize