Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this boner is exhausting
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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