I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
