i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
