If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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