Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
