I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
