now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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