would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
