its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
