Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
