Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
