Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
