I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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