If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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