i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
