I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
