I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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