theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize