According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
