im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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