She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
