And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
