you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
