Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
