the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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