the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
