: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
