You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
