Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Less talking, more tequila
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
