I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
